How To Create And Sustain|
A Loving Realationship
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have
love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic
powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have
all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am
nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body
so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not
irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but
rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13
Creating a loving, intimate, lasting relastionship is the most wonderful thing than a man and a woman can experience in his or her lifetime. Tantamount to what Paul wrote above, Love is the most important thing in the world....the most important thing in life...without love we are nothing. Loving another is the reason we were created. When we stop loving, our life becomes meaningless. The purpose of life is to develop in our wisdom, love, inner peace, selflessness and creative abilities. However, creating and sustaining a loving relationship is Hard, but essential if we want to live a worthwhile life.
"The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt."
So how do we accomplish that feat?
Unbenownst to many, creating and sustaining a loving relationship takes HARD WORK. It takes patience, consideration, humility, endurance, kindness, selflessness and truth. It takes believing that the one you have chosen to be your mate has your best interest at heart. It takes the willingness to be tolerant of the differences...And most of all, it takes a mutual commitment. There is nothing in life more rewarding than relating to another person in a caring, compassionate, and committed way.
Howard Thurman quotes “Commitment means that it is possible for a man to yield the nerve centre of his consent to a purpose or cause, a movement or an ideal, which may be more important to him than whether he lives or dies.”
In today's world, people jump into realationships head first and break their neck. True love grows, it takes time. It take nuturing, intimacy, and getting to know one another. A loving relationship is something to appreciate, it allows the sharing of experiences, likes and dislikes. Love grows when we begin appreciating the relationship itself and as we apply our phycical connection and physical and psychological needs to each other, and as we begin to rely upon, care for, and trust each other.
Certainly there needs to be an attraction to one another, but we are not attracted by our differences in what we eat, our taste in movies, television shows, home decor, clothes, cat or dog preference, pictures, or how we spend our time. The old adage "opposites attract" has a lot of truth to it...it allows us to expand our horizons. It keeps life fun and interesting and helps complete ourselves.
We are attracted however, by anothers creativity, ambition, humor, sponaneity, and physical features, perhaps a giggle, a wiggle in her walk and her intellience, or his height, physique, and wit.
How do we love again when we've been hurt in the past?
Well, let's look at the good things about having a relationship. A relationship provides companionship, affection, entertainment, support, and caring. It allows us to share responsibilities and combine our abilities and assets: mental, physical, emotional, and financial. Scripture says, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him". Genesis 2:18,24. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 states, "Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; For if they fall, the other can reach out and help. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! People who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. And on a cold night, two lie down together under the same blanket can gain warmth from each other. But how can one be warm alone?"
In order to create and sustain a loving relationship, we must put our fears aside. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and a sound mind". 2 Timothy 1:7. And "Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you". Ephesians 4:32
Never give up on love, for love is the light into our being. Put out the light of love, we put out the light of our soul. As W. Somerset Maugham quotes, "The greatest tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love". And "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
Never say goodbye when you still want to try.
Never give up when you still feel you can take it.
Never say you don't love a person when you can't let go.
~ Dons ~
What is Love?
"Let love come slowly. Don't constantly keep
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. - Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul." --St. Augustine".
Howard Thurman defines love well with these words:
“The experience of love is either a necessity or a luxury. If it be a luxury, it is expendable; if it be a necessity, then to deny it is to perish. So simple is the reality, and so terrifying. Ultimately there is only one place of refuge on this planet for any (person) -- that is another (person's) heart. To love is to make of one's heart a swinging door.”
"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end." Source Unknown
Rev. Michael McGee Wrote:
How do we make our heart a swinging door? By making our primary goal in life to become an intimate person. What could be more important! Too many people believe that love is a blissful state that either falls into your lap or it doesn't. Intimacy however is a skill that must be learned. To be a true companion we must learn to be open, to be vulnerable, to communicate honestly, to be accepting, and to care.
Many people do not know how to be intimate. To understand love, to teach it, to create it, and to predict it, we must first of all recognize that intimacy comes only from being an intimate person.
"The only thing you have to offer another human being, ever, is your own state of being," wrote Ram Dass. The novelist, Tom Robbins, through the voice of one of his characters, puts it a little differently:
“I've learned something that many women these days never learn: Prince Charming really is a toad. And the Beautiful Princess has halitosis. The bottom line is that... people are never perfect, but love can be... Loving makes love. Loving makes itself. We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.”
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly".
I believe this is the secret to being an intimate person: “creating the perfect love" by consciously taking the time and energy to learn how to become intimate. “Loving makes love,” which means that intimacy must be a matter of ultimate concern; there must be nothing else in the world more important than this art. And, in our culture people rarely take love seriously in spite of their many failures. Even though there is a deep-seated craving for love, almost everything else is considered more important, such as success, prestige, money, power -- almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.
By making our heart a swinging door so that we allow ourselves to experience the pain as well as the joy of love, by practicing the art of love in all of our relationships, and by making love an ultimate concern, we can live full and loving lives. Teilhard de Chardin wrote: "Some day, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love. And then, for the second time in the history of the world, humankind will have discovered fire."
Love is a reaching out, a giving of one soul to another. It is like a warm embrace, a sense of being held, and acutal touching, which can be felt across the miles. Thus the walls breakdown, and love matures into a love that reaches beyond our intimate circle. This is the love in which the bible writers speak.
A loving relationship is not just reaching, it's connecting so powerfully that to lose that connection is to lose part of ourselves. In our love, our souls interwine into a bond of love which creates something alive, complex and undeniably wonderful.
Not only is love a sense of holding one another, we know we are truly loved when we are loved for who we are. A true love is an honest love. Love is not only a deep, powerful emotion, deep love involves knowing and being known. Love cannot grow if it is based on pretense and exaggeration. Love is also recognizing that we are connected, that we do need each other, that connections are life breathing, life giving. Love sees clearly that to be self-centred is to lose our true self...but to reach out and embrace another and life is the way to find our truest and highest self.
The need for love is absolutely necessary to human wholeness. The bible teaches that we are truly ourselves, truly whole, truly in a state of grace, when we connect with love. And we connect when we lay ourselves down and release our petty egos. Love goes beyond our selfish desires. Love is the reaching out that lets us pass beyond the limits of our barriers, that makes wholeness and the capacity to live, grow, and develop possible.
Why is love necessary?
Love is vital because when we cancel out love, when cannot connect thus we lose our vitality. Reflect back upon the times when you felt loved. Now meditate for a moment when love was absent. How does that feel?
Without love we feel rejection, pretense, superficial, and callus. We feel used, lonely, hurt and angry. Instead of an embrace, we feel rejected and ignored. We feel bitterness filling up our entire being. In the absence of love we feel alone, isolated, cold, disconnected, and lost. We feel like we are in the shadow of death.
1 Corinthians 13, the scrupture on love, has been celebrated throughout the ages because people have become aware of its vital truth. Without love or being connected, we feel empty, like a hollow shell. Our knowledge loses all meaning, our efforts gain us nothing. Just like the people of Corinth, they too are a people who have a deep desire for love. We too want to love and be loved; we want to belong; we want to be held and embraced.
Why then, when love is so important to our well being, do we spend so much time feeling unloved and unloving?
The answer to this question I believe is, although love is a wonderful thing, it's very difficult. Loving and allowing ourselves to be loved takes hard work. Loving and being loved makes us vulnerable and can cause heartache and pain. Love involves taking chances. When we reach out we risk being misunderstood, rejected, ignored. Yes, love is risky and hard, but in the end, it is definitely worth it.
How can we bring the kind of love Paul describes into our lives? We embrace the thought that we fall into love, and there is a lot of truth in that. As stated earlier, relationships begin with an attraction, an affinity, a feeling of comfort and delight. But no loving relationship, can maintain without effort. Yes, falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hardest thing you will ever do.
putting on the red light. Drive on yellow!"
Love takes time. Love needs space. Love takes energy and demands a commitment.
If we want to create a loving relationship, one that is based on sharing,
and on profound knowledge of each other’s desires and histories — if we want to achieve a level of honest, open intimacy and mutual interests — it's not going to happen in a moment, a day, week or a month. And it is not going to happen by spending a half hour of “quality time” together now and again.
The question is, do we really want a loving relationship enough to make the necessary commitment of time and energy? Are we willing to make time for conversation, for sharing a meal together, for going on a walk,or working together hand in hand on a project? Are we willing to create the emotional space, the peace and vulnerability to really listen to each other? Are we willing to shut off the computer or tv, to put down the book, to put off that project, to make less money, to go the extra mile? Are we willing to make time to support activities that make our world more compassionate? When love reaches out into the social world, it becomes just, equality and compassion.
If we were to make love our top priority, how wonderful our lives would be. Let's take a look:
First, we would make time and emotional space for those we love and adore. We would make time for sharing, for playing, for exploring the world around us. We would find time to write a note, make a phone call, stop by for a visit.
Second, We need to create times and places where our relationship can develop and blossom. We need to create new relationships with new friends, and new people and take the time to get to know them and bring them into our world.
Connecting, truly loving, is our life’s work. That is what it is to be fully human, fully alive. This is what it is, in traditional theological language, to know God. Without love all our personal accomplishments are nothing. Without love life can become a living hell.
"Faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is Love." Why? Because we are creatures who have an inborn need for connection. Love is the center of the Christian life because the Christian life is all about compassionate connection. Love is the greatest because without love we can have no faith. That is, without connecting in love we have nothing to be faithful to. Without love our hope, our vision and experience of life’s opportunities, collapse into a black pit of self-absorbed narcissism. Hope must be shared with those we love or life is but a trivial pursuit. Our deepest hopes must surpass our petty desires...Our deepest hopes must surpass our physical life.
If we want to create a loving, sustaining relationship we must create a container where love can grow and thrive. We will recommit ourselves to creating times and places for love — time and place in our homes, time and place in our community of compassion, and a time and place in our hearts.
Paul was right. The keys to life are to be faithful, to live with hope, and to love. And the greatest of these is love.
Be open with one another, let go of your inhibitions, and speak gently from your heart.
Learn to give as well as recieve.
Compromise: There are a lot of worlds out there, meet half way in one or better yet, create your own. You like dancing, he likes car shows - compromise. Love learns to love the very thing the one you love loves. It makes for more intimate and exciting world. Come into agreement by mutual concession.
Be Creative: Use your head and think up new ideas or concepts to stimulate your relationship. write a romantic, passionate, handwritten, heartfelt love letter, Make a path of rose petals or potpourri, serve breakfast in bed, call your favorite radio station and dedicate a song to your love, carve a heart with your names into a tree, recite your poem or Shakespeare's love sonnet.....Keep those love fires burning.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep
because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
"You don't marry someone you can live with -
you marry the person who you cannot live without."
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant
to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."
"Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase after it, the
more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to
other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."
"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love,
To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize
Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."
"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."
-Charles Caleb Colton
For more tips on how to create and sustain a loving relationship, check out this Awsome Cyber-Sermon on Loving in Freedom